November 28, 2013

"Fans asked not to dress as squirrels when Scunthorpe United play Alan Knill’s Torquay United."

Incomprehensible headline of the day.

22 comments:

betamax3000 said...

Late at Night I Dress Up in my Squirrel Suit and Dig Up People's Lawns. I Have a Flare Gun.

betamax3000 said...

In My Squirrel Suit I am Free. I Look in People's Windows and make Chittering Sounds.

betamax3000 said...

When I Am in my Squirrel Suit the Voices in My Head are Happy. It is Play Time. When the Voices in My Head are Bad I Wear My Cheetah Suit. It Is Not a Full Cheetah Suit: Actually, it is Just a Pair of Cheetah-Print Speedos. I Still Carry the Flare Gun.

betamax3000 said...

In my Cheetah Speedo I Follow the People Walking Their Dogs. They Try to Pretend that they Do Not Notice Me, But that Makes Me Only Purr Louder.

betamax3000 said...

Sometimes the People Start to Walk Faster. This is Silly of Them: in my Cheetah Speedo I am the Fastest of All.

betamax3000 said...

People are Strange: the Dog Walkers Stand there Carrying Plastic Bags of Dog Poop and they Think the Guy in the Cheetah Speedo is the Crazy One.

betamax3000 said...

In my Cheetah Speedo the City is My Jungle. I Cross in the Middle of the Street: Cheetahs Do Not Use Crosswalks.

betamax3000 said...

In the City in My Cheetah Speedo I am Forever on the Prowl for the Girl in the Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat. We Will Be Friends.

Carnifex said...

Silly Beta max...obviously your cheetah speedo gives you tthe power of invisibility. I would take full advantage of that.

Or you could become a super hero.

Invisible Guy in the cheetah speedo's!

You could have a cheetah signal at the local police department to summon you. Invisible, of course. Uhh, the signal is invisible I mean...uhhh... haven't quite worked out the details yet...lemmee get back to you.

betamax3000 said...

Althouse has the Cheetah Signal. She Has Summoned Me.

betamax3000 said...

When I Find the Girl in the Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat We Will Walk the Streets Together. My Cheetah Speedo will Swell With Pride.

Carnifex said...

Are there a lot of telephone booths in Cheetah city? For costume change. were your parents murdered by a guy in a squirrel costume? Do you have a personal fortune to follow the cape life style, ala Bruce Wayne, Tony Stark, and whoever the Green Hornet is? Can people hear you when you're invisible?

So many details...

Maybe it's not the speedos...have you tried following the dog walkers completely naked? Maybe it's a function of skin area/exposure effect.

betamax3000 said...

The People of the City Avoid Eye Contact. They Also Try Not to Stare at My Cheetah Speedo But They -- Inevitably -- Fail.

Carnifex said...

Now now...one of the disadvantages of the cape life style is you have to be celibate. The books are very clear on this matter. Although you may take a handsome young boy as a live in companion...that's okay.

Carnifex said...

So it's not invisibility, it's distraction! Or attraction, as the case may be, I wonder if you could hypnotize someone?

Carnifex said...

Where's Titus when you need him.

betamax3000 said...

The Man at the Corner Asks Me For Spare Change. Alas, in my Cheetah Speedo I Have No Use for Money, and No Place to Put it if I Did.

betamax3000 said...

In my Cheetah Speedo the Police Often Stop to Ask Me Questions. It is Not Against the Law to Be Cheetah Speedo Man.

ironrailsironweights said...

For those who don't want to read the linked story, Torquay's coach Alan Knill recently suffered minor injuries when he struck a squirrel while bicycle riding.

Peter

betamax3000 said...

Sometimes I Pass By Japanese University Girls in Their White Knee-High Socks, and They Giggle Girlishly. It is Good to Be Cheetah Speedo Man.

betamax3000 said...

I See it in So Many Faces: the Wistful Desire to Be as Bold as Cheetah Speedo Man. It is a Singular Life.

Blue Ox said...

"The answer, is Scunthorpe".

- Dr. Eddie "Fitz" Fitzgerald